Complimenttary Counterparts: Dany & Jon II

Introduction

Understanding who we are and what is our purpose in this world is one of the most important journeys we ever make. For our young protagonist it is no different. For Dany and Jon the search to find themselves, to identify who they are is one of the main themes of their arc. It is something that they have both struggled heavily with throughout the series. At times accepting it and at times denying it, it has been a constant source of turmoil within them.

As we had discussed in the previous essay, both Dany and Jon have yearned for a place to belong, to find themselves amongst people who will accept them for who they are, not what they might represent. At times they have found this acceptance but it has been sadly fleeting. However, these experiences have helped them in the journey to find themselves and in the process made a lasting impressions on them.


The Evolution of Self

We had previously discussed the juxtaposition of Dany having a name but no family or place to call home while Jon had no name but had a family and a place to call home. When it comes to their identities we see a similar juxtaposition, while Dany searches for an identity throughout the series, Jon seeks to redefine the identity with which he was born, that of a bastard.

Throughout the series Dany finds herself in different roles, khaleesi, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, Mhysa, Queen of Mereen, and threw them she seeks to find and eventually come to terms with who she really is, a dragon. On the other hand, Jon who’s already been given the “identity” as a bastard, seeks to come to terms with it, but also tries to move beyond it, to prove himself to be more than just the bastard of Winterfell.


Dany


When we first meet Dany, her identity is sort of in flux, she doesn’t really know who she is. She’s been told what she should be, but she doesn’t feel like that person, her brother tells her she should be, a Targaryen, a dragon. She’s spent most of her life on the run, scared of a brother who controls and terrorizes her. She was born a princess, yet she was exiled from her home, she is royalty, yet she lived in places where there were no kings or queen. She is of noble birth and yet she was poor. Like with most things regarding Dany, there is contradiction, two sides at odds with each other. These contradictions then lead her to wonder who she really is. In her very first chapter in A Game of Thrones she thinks to herself:


Her brother tells her they are dragons, but she has no idea what that even means. To her the dragon is mean, brutal, the dragon hurts her; she doesn’t like the dragon she knows. It’s an abstract identity, which she has no true connection with, other than fearing it.

Let’s look at Dany’s first Dragon Dream for example:


Afraid: that’s how a dragon makes her feel. She wants nothing to do with it; she doesn’t want to be hurt by it anymore.

At the time of this dream Dany had much bigger concerns than a dragon in her dream; she was being wed to the Dothraki warlord khal Drogo. This fills Dany with dread and fright. At first her marriage is very rough for Dany, she’s not accustomed to the Dothraki lifestyle and her husband is uncaring and hurts her at night. Then one day as she contemplates suicide, the dragon once again appears to her:


Dany doesn’t contextualize it at the moment but she begins to understand and embrace the dragon within her. This in turn allows her to embrace her role as a khaleesi.

After the rough start with the Dothraki she learns to enjoy her new found freedom, she begins to embrace her self-importance. This allows her to take control of the situation she now found herself in, something she never had been able to do. As a khaleesi she learns that she has power where she never had it before. She uses this new found power to make khal Drogon recognize her and respect her. Having earned a role of importance and respect in the khal’s eyes and that of the khalasar she uses her new found influence to help the poor Lhazareen women who are being raped after the Dothraki sack. Her actions come from a place deep inside her. She wants to protect as she was never protected.

After the death of the khal she uses her role as a khaleesi to free the slaves that have remained behind, creating her own (little) khalasar.

Dany’s embrace of the role of a khaleesi might have been instrumental in giving her the confidence and assertiveness she needed in order to hatch the dragons. When she started this journey she started is afraid of the dragon but by the time she reaches the pyre, her fears have been dispelled, she can embrace it without fearing it, at least for a time.


We next find Dany embracing her role as the Mother of Dragons. This role is actually tied into her overall identity as a dragon. It’s actually integral to it. While being a khaleesi gave her the confidence she needed, becoming the Mother of Dragon was physical representation of the self-identity she was building. She was a khaleesi by virtue of who she was married to, but she became the Mother of Dragons by virtue of who she was.


As the new leader of khalasar Dany knows that she’s responsible not only for herself but those who follow her:


She draws on her inner strength, on being a dragon in order to inspire her people through a very rough journey. This need / want to help and inspire people will lead her to another important element of her identity, that of a Mother / Mhysa. This need to protect is born out of her own person and tragic experience, the lost of her own child and her own abusive childhood. She wants to do for others what was not done for her and as she could no save her own child, she wants to save others.

We see her display this protectiveness first with the Lhazareen but more prominently when she arrives in Salver’s Bay. After seeing the atrocities perpetuated on the Unsullied, her need to protect kicks in. She is deafly afraid but decides that she needs to free them:


After the events in Astapor, Dany moves on to Yunkai, where after freeing the salves they begin to call her Mhysa, mother.


For Dany this is a moment of great elation, not only has she freed the slaves but their call to their mother fills Dany with great joy. This is an interesting opposition to her victory and elation in Astapor where her moment of victory was embodied by her dragon side while this moment is embodied by the part of her that craves being a mothers.

Her time in Meereen is an important development for Dany and her search for her identity. Because although her actions in Astapor and Yunkai brought her great joy the repercussion of those actions brought her immense grief. She begins to doubt herself, which is illustrated in her inability to control her dragons:


Her entire ADWD arc is an identity crisis for Dany. She had gone from a young girl who didn’t really know herself to understanding and embracing her role as a leader and a dragon. However, just as she had used her dragons to protect she had also used them to destroy. That destruction in turn made her question what she was, what she had become. She focused on what she had destroyed, and ignored what she had created.

In response to this identity crisis she chains away her dragon and thus chains away a part of herself. However, throughout ADWD and especially towards the end, she begins to realize that what she had created, the freedom from slavery was being unraveled right before her eyes. In a moment of epiphany she thinks to herself:


This realization starts a larger realization that she cannot be a mother without her dragons, that if she wanted to be a mother and protect her children she had to also be a dragon as well. This final epiphany culminates in her Vision Quest in the Dothraki sea:


Jon

For Jon his identity was chosen for him long before he was old enough to understand what it even meant. But once he realized what it meant to be a bastard, he was never allowed to forget it. This identity was ever present in his mind. At Winterfell, he was Jon Snow, not Stark, a member of the family and yet separate from them. At the Wall he became Lord Snow, still a bastard but also an acknowledgement of his nobel birth. He had hoped that at the Wall he could be like everyone else, but once again he was not allowed to forget the circumstances of his birth. In an ironic contrast in his time with the Wildings being a bastard was not an issue but being a crow was.

Although Jon does not hide the fact that he’s a bastard, being one has taken an obvious toll on him. He suffers deeply because of the nature of his birth and the loneliness and outsider status that comes with it. But he also suffers from not knowing who his mother was, for having that constant void in his heart. Not knowing who she was, what kind of person she was also plays into his identity. He dreams that she is a high born lady:


But being a son born out of wedlock gives the impression to the world that she could not possibly be a lady. Jon wants to make his father proud, so that he does not have any further shame from having fathered a bastard.


This creates a lot of inner turmoil within Jon. He constantly tries to live up the lessons he learned from his father, to live up the the Stark name, even if he could never be a Stark. Every time he fails it weights heavily on him. In a sad sort of way, he works towards being the best bastard he could be.

Being a bastard and the negative connotations that comes with that has not been all bad for Jon. in the more abstract sense that is. Being a bastard has made Jon more aware of the world around him in a way his siblings have not had to become aware. From a young age he had to learn that society places values on all manner of things, most especially (for the noble society he was born into) your birth. Having this awareness gave him an insight, that most people his age lack. As Bran says at the beginning of A Game of Thrones:


This will be a recurring heme within Jon story, to see things others neglect or to see things in a different way than most people. This particular ability will become very useful throughout his time at the Wall.

As Jon arrives at the Watch, he believes that he will be able to gain a new identity as a man of the Night’s Watch, putting behind his bastard identity and being just like everyone else. However, he soon realizes, curtesy of Ser Alliser Thorne, that his status as a bastard will not be forgotten.

Although this is incredibly frustrating for Jon, he knows he has to make the most of it. He is a bastard and a lord, there is no running from that. As Tyrion says to him:


Of course being a bastard gave Jon a giant chip over his shoulder but he soon realizes that even as a bastard he has known the kind of privilege most of his fellow recruits could only dream of. As Donal Noye tells him:


Jon being the quick study that he is take this advice to heart and decides that he can use his skills as Lord Snow to help his fellow recruits. He soon becomes a leader amongst them.

Jon continues on his training intent on being a man of the Watch and once Jon says is oath he attempts to leave his old identity behind as a bastard of Winterfell behind, he will struggle with it, but his commitment to his new identity is there. It is interesting to note that as soon as Jon is done reciting his vows Ghost comes to him with a frozen hand, sort of in recognition and what Jon’s new role is.

His identity is challenged once again when he finds himself amongst the Wildings. They who had been the enemy of the North and the Nights Watch. Jon now finds himself needing to pretend to be one of them. In an interesting turn of events he uses his status as a bastard to gain the confidence of the Wilding leader Mance Rayder and be allowed to join the Wildlings.


Jon puts on his new cloak but keeps his old one in his bag. Although, he’s taking on the new identity of a Wilding, he’s not letting go of his identity as a man of the Watch. His duty ever present in his mind. As Jon tries to become part of the Wildings he finds ironically enough that his status as a former crow is worst then his status as a bastard.

Learning about the Wildings and integrating himself to their culture helped greatly by his relationship with Ygritte.. She teaches him how to fit in and how to see the world from a different perspective.

His inner turmoil over his mission becomes more conflictive as he falls in love with Ygritte. He doesn’t know who he is anymore, he calls himself an oathbreaker a turncoat but his self-rapprochement is quickly quieted when he’s with Ygritte:


Eventually he decides that he cannot abandon his duties, that he must be a man of the Nights Watch. This is an incredibly painful decision for Jon, betraying the woman he loves but he knows that he cannot abandon his vows, not at this moment at least. And so then he leaves behind his identity as a Wilding and once again he puts his Night Watchmen cat on.

With Stannis’ offer Jon finds himself once again reevaluating who is is, who he wants to be. Is he a Snow, a Stark or is he a man of the Night’s Watch.


Jon asserts himself as a man of the Watch when he refuses Stannis offer for legitimacy. Becoming a Stark is something Jon has dreamed about his whole life but he know this is not the way to obtain that. He has made vows to the Old Gods and he intends to keep them. The unexpected arrival of Ghost reminds him of this.

By Jon sticking to his vows he actually reaffirms part of his Starkness, the lessons his father thought him, that he has to be a man of his word. This is also an important part of his identity and something he is unwilling to let go of. Throughout his ADWD he goes about his role as a leader. As the new Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch he can’t concern himself with being a bastard or dwell too much on the what if’s of becoming Lord of Winterfell. He comes to accept that he’s a bastard but he learns not to allow it to define who he is as a person. He wants his actions and deeds to speak to the kind of man he is.


Dany and Jon

While Dany was looking to define her identity, Jon was looking to redefine his. Throughout the series they search for their purpose, who they are, what they are suppose to do. Dany is told from a childhood that she’s a dragon, however, she doesn’t understand what that really meant. When her brother was a “dragon” he was abusive, that’s not what she wanted to be. However, as she gains confidence and power throughout the series, she learns that being a dragon can be so much more than being a bully. She takes the idea of being a dragon and decides that she’s going to be a defender, a protector of those who cannot defend themselves. Being a protector, however, comes with elements that can be sometime unsavory yet throughout her experience in Meereen she realizes that she can either let things be, let the status quo stay, or she can embrace who she believes herself to be. In the end she accepts her identity as a dragon, a mother, a protector of her people.

Jon has been told since he was a child that he’s a bastard but unlike Dany he knows exactly what this mean. Throughout the series he goes through different stages, he wants to ignore by joining the Nights Watch but when that doesn't happened he regresses to being angry about it, as he has been since childhood. Yet he learns from his mentors that he must embrace it or other’s will continue to use it against him. So, slowly he learns not to let it bother him and even learning to use it in his favor when he joins the Wildings. As he continues to mature he comes to accept it but learns not to allow it to define who he is. He becomes a leader a man people want to follow.

Another underlining theme in Dany and Jon’s search for their identity is that they want to honor those who came before them. Dany who didn’t know her family wants to live up to the stories and histories she heard as a child. Her actions are meant to honor her family, to regain what was taken from them. Jon on the other hand want to show that he is more than a bastard that he can make his father proud. Although as a man of the Watch you are supposed to leave your old loyalties behind, Jon holds on to the lessons he learned from his father.

This theme goes even further when we note that both Dany and Jon are changing practices started by their distant ancestors. While Dany uses her dragons to free slaves, where once Valyrian used them to enslave. Jon is brining the Free-folk back into the realm of men where once the old Starks separated them.


The Wild Barbarian

As a cornerstone of their search for their identity there is a love story, a tragic love story but a love story nonetheless. Both Dany and Jon find themselves involved in a romance with someone who is considered by many to be from a wild or barbaric culture. The way they find themselves in these relationship are less than ideal. While Dany was sold to khal Drogo, Jon was initially taken by the Wildings and then in turn joined them in order to spy on them. Although Ygritte aggressively pursue the relationship, Jon didn’t protest too much.

However, even with the unusual manner both relationship started both Dany and Jon formed true and long lasting bonds with their lovers. These relationships allowed them to grow and to see the world from a completely different prospective. The people they were when they began these relationship were not the same by the end. Not only did the relationship allow them to evolve but it allowed them to see themselves through someone else eyes.

For Dany becoming part of the Dothraki was a much more involved experience than Jon’s time with the Wildings. Unlike Jon, she thought that she was joining the Dothraki for life. At first their customs, language and manners were completely alien to her. But as she began to embrace her new husband and his people, she decided that she should act like them as well:


There is no privacy in the heart of the khalasar. Dany felt the eyes on her as she undressed him, heard the soft voices as she did the things that Doreah had told her to do. It was nothing to her. Was she not khaleesi?”

Here she is taking her life in her hands and doing something no Westerosi girl would ever think of doing, making love to her husband under the stars for all the world to see. If she wants to survive in this new world she finds herself in, she knows she needs to embrace it. In contrast to this, her brother was never willing to embrace the Dothraki culture and it ended up taking his life.

Dany’s time with the Dothraki comes to a tragic end with the death of khal Drogo but the lessons she learn and the strength she gather from her time with them are still a part of her.

For Jon the cultural shock was not as great, he shared a common land and a common language with the Wildings. However, culturally they were quite different. While teaching Ygritte about the constellations he has learned from Maester Luwin he realizes that your perspective is heavily influenced by where you stand:


They see the same things and yet think of them in completely different ways as each has given the stats different attributes. However, as he continues to spend more time with the Wilding, he begins to identify with them:


However, even with the temptation of being with the woman he loves he knows that he cannot remain with the Windings forever. Jon escapes back to Castle Black, back to his brothers at the Night’s Watch.

This leads us to yet another parallel between Dany and Jon, how they are both indirectly responsible and are still haunted by the lost of their lovers. For Dany, the desperation of losing khal Drogo to the infection that was killing him pushes her to do a deal with the devil, if you will. Dany at this moment is so full of grief and despair that she does not realize what is actually happening, what Mirri is really doing, what she is truly proposing.



Of course by the time we reach this moment, khal Drogo is quite ill due to his own negligence but the spell cast by Mirri eliminated any chance of survival, leaving Drogo a zombie. Dany is later force to euthanize him:



Even throughout ADWD long after Drogo has died and Dany has fallen in love (or lust) once again she still thinks of him. During her Vision Quest in the Dothraki sea she thinks back to the events leading to his death and to when they would be reunited once again:


For Jon the betrayal was active, he knew that if he went back to the Night’s Watch and warned them of the coming Wilding army he was sealing Ygirtte’s fate. As the Watch and the Wildings do battle Jon stumbles upon a dying Ygritte:


Like Dany, he also sadly held is love as she lay dying. Jon feels a great deal of grief and guilt abut Ygritte’s death:


All throughout ADWD Jon thinks about her and what she thought him. As he struggles through he new role as a leader, he repeats to himself Ygritte’s iconic phrase:


These two loves have made a lasting impression on Dany and Jon. The time they spent with them although brief was transformative. I think a good deal of why they were so influential in Dany and Jon’s lives is because at the time Dany and Jon where still trying to find themselves, they were both vulnerable and these relationship gave them strength.


Duty vs. Love

On a final note both Dany and Jon have had to sacrifice what they love for the greater good, choosing duty over lover.

Duty vs. Honor and Duty vs. Love are major themes throughout the series, basically trying to answer the question of what is the right thing to do. In most instances we can argue from both sides and come up with different answer. Yet the question remains, what is the right thing to do.

For Dany the crossroad of what to do was never more difficult then her time in Meereen, where she struggled tremendously and in the end when asked the question she chose duty, because as she had told herself once “a queen does not belong to herself but to her people.”

She chose to forsake her personal wants and marry one of the leaders of the slaving families Hizdahr zo Loraq, This is a man whose philosophy and chosen way a life she despised, yet she saw no other way to bring peace to her city than by sacrificed herself in order to help her people. Although her action and sacrifice a laudable one can question whether this was the right course of action for Dany, if she should not have looked at other options. However, whatever option where available to Dany she was trapped in between a rock and a hard place.

We have been discussing Jon’s choice of siding with the Night’s Watch over the Wilding’s. Although a very hard choice for Jon, due to his love of Ygritte, he had very few options available to him. He had neither the power nor the influence to try to broker a peace between these two groups. He either warned the the Night’s Watch as he did or he allowed the Wildings to slaughter the Watch. In the end he chose to keep to his vows to remain at the Watch and do his duty to defend the realm of men.


Conclusion

Throughout the series we have seen these two young protagonist speak and learn about themselves. Their experiences has shaped them in similar ways, they have learned about themselves, about what kind of people they are, what kind of people they wish to be. And while their identities are much more defined by the end of Dance, I would not be surprised to see a further evolution as they experience new trials and tribulations.